


give me sugar, give me something sweet

by your_bespoke_psychopath



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, I just ship Mycroft and cake okay?, no actually this is crack, this is what happens when you don't stop me being silly and ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-06
Updated: 2012-09-06
Packaged: 2017-11-13 17:18:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/505877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/your_bespoke_psychopath/pseuds/your_bespoke_psychopath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After eating sweets, the brain releases opioids, which are responsible for a feeling of intense pleasure. The brain recognises the feeling and begins to crave it. When one craves sugar, certain are in the brain - the hippocampus, the insula and the caudate - are activated. There is also evidence that the very same areas are activated in brains of drug addicts when they crave drugs.<br/>Mycroft Holmes knew and understood all of this perfectly well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	give me sugar, give me something sweet

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. This is crack. Pure crack. And it's not my fault, not really at least. It all started when my friend wrote an Irene/Sherlock fic. And we started discussing and talking about how poor Mycroft would react if they ever ~got together~. And then the situation - or should I say my bloody brain? - got out of hand. And this happened.  
> This little something is ridiculous, stupid and OOC. But my friend demanded that I post it, because according to her it's funny. So you can blame it all on her.  
> All mistakes are mine, because it was not beta'd. There.  
> Godspeed if you decide to read it. Godspeed.

Humans are programmed from an early age to crave sugar. Human breast milk is sweet, so since the infancy we recognise the pleasurable feeling that sweet foods give us.

When sugar enters the bloodstream, blood sugar levels rise, causing the pancreas to release insulin. The more sugar one consumes, the more insulin is released. Sugar is an energy source for the organism: which explains the jolt or “high” one gets from eating chocolate or a cake.

After eating sweets, the brain releases opioids, which are responsible for a feeling of intense pleasure. The brain recognises the feeling and begins to crave it. When one craves sugar, certain are in the brain - the hippocampus, the insula and the caudate - are activated. There is also evidence that the very same areas are activated in brains of drug addicts when they crave drugs.

Mycroft Holmes knew and understood all of this perfectly well. The knowledge that he craved sweets only because of a few chemical reactions in his body has helped him to keep his diet. He had to deal with much bigger issues every day at work, he would not be defeated by a simple craving.

It had been working just fine and he’d been doing even better until Irene Adler appeared in his life and with one scandal after another kept on destroying years of his carefully planned diet and his _cake_ less state of life. He was really glad when he found out she’s dead (really dead, Karachi-dead, beheaded-dead). He could go back to his old life now, where sweets were no temptation to him. Life where a dominatrix did not try to bring down the government, life where he did not sugary treats to keep calm. Except that none of that happened, because his brother decided to play a bloody hero & bring down Moriarty’s network. The pressure of keeping everything secret, the constant worry about Sherlock  - all these things simply needed to be drowned in something sweet.

And then his dear brother was back and very, very alive. But he did not come back alone, no. He came back with that woman. The Woman. And apparently, they were in some kind of a relationship. A mere thought of said relationship made Mycroft want to look for a chocolate bar. Or a candy. Or just a sugar cube, anything would do. And when he thought of all the activities they undoubtedly engaged themselves in... His legs would take him to the nearest bakery and his mouth would order the biggest slice of an apple pie. Or the biggest piece of a chocolate cake with whipped cream & cherry on top. And then he would eat the entire slice.

There was no solution to his problem - he could not stop thinking about the nature of Sherlock’s and Irene’s relationship, because the universe was hell-bent on reminding him about it on every single occasion.

 

1.

Mrs. Hudson: Good afternoon, Mycroft. You’re here to see Sherlock? I wouldn’t go up right now.

Mycroft: This is a case of great importance and I have to see my brother now.

Mrs. Hudson: Yes, you see, he’s a bit busy right now.

Mycroft: He always is when I’m here to see him. I am sure that this time he can spare me a second of his precious time.

Mrs. Hudson: No, but this time he’s really busy and-

[Irene’s moan echoes through the house]

Mrs. Hudson: Oh, that’s the third. Told you that he’s a bit… preoccupied at this moment. Do you want some tea?

Mycroft: … Yes, please. Any chance for a piece of cake?

 

2.

[John is once again forced to get into an unknown car and taken to Mycroft]

Mycroft: Hello, Mr. Watson, it’s so nice to see you.

John: I am so tired of you. Of you and your brother. WHY CAN’T YOU JUST BEHAVE LIKE PEOPLE?

Mycroft: Domestics between my brother and you are none of my interest. Now-

John: No, but you are both insufferable! You think it’s okay to put me in whatever car you feel like and take me whatever you feel like.  I AM THIS CLOSE TO DEVELOPING STOCKHOLM SYNDROME, YOU KNOW. AND YOUR BROTHER IS NO BETTER-

Mycroft: Yes, glad that you brought that subject. I invited you here to talk about my brother-

John: Do you even realise how thin the walls at Baker Street are?

Mycroft: I don’t see how it’s of any importance-

John: I can count how many orgasms he gives Irene. EVERY NIGHT. NO, WAIT, ACTUALLY EVERY DAY. THEY DO NOT LIMIT THEMSELVES TO NIGHTS.

Mycroft: That’s not exactly what I want to hear-

John: ME NEITHER, BUT I HAVE NO CHOICE. YESTERDAY, THEY DECIDED TO HAVE SEX AGAINST MY BEDROOM’S DOOR. WHILE I WAS IN THERE. I HAD TO STAND AGAINST IT TO STOP THE DOOR FROM OPENING. I WAS STANDING THERE WHILE THEY WERE-

Mycroft: … Anthea, dear, can you please, get us some tea? And maybe some Scotch to soothe Mr. Watson’s nerves.

Anthea: Of course, Mr. Holmes.

Mycroft: Anthea? … And bring some chocolate cookies.

 

3.

[on the phone]

Mycroft: Miss Adler. To what do I owe the questionable pleasure?

Irene: I just wanted to make sure you got my gift.

Mycroft: Yes, I did. Most amusing. Fruit basket. Or should I call it ‘cake basket’? Did Sherlock help you to come up with this?

Irene: It’s a ‘thank you’ gift.

Mycroft: Oh, is it? What do you want to thank me for?

Irene: For forcing Sherlock to attend all these violin lessons.

Mycroft: I don’t see how is that-

Irene: He’s really good with his hands now, you know? Let me just say that the violin is not the only instrument he can play remarkably well.

Mycroft: Goodbye, Miss Adler.

[looks at the cake basket & bites into a scone with a sigh]

 

4.

Security guy: Sir, I am sorry to disturb you, but you ask to report any kind of unusual and suspicious activity in your office.

Mycroft: Yes, do you have anything?

Security guy: I think it’d be better if you watch it for yourself. It’s… it’s a delicate matter. [plays the tape for Mycroft]

Mycroft: Yes. Uhm. I see. Thank you, you’ve been most helpful. You may leave now. [the security guy leaves] Anthea. I need a new desk. And a new chair. No, actually, I need a new office. Now, excuse me, but I need to pay a visit to my dear brother.

[A very quiet ride to Baker Street & a chocolate bar later]

Mycroft: Good afternoon, dear brother. You would not believe what I just watched.

Sherlock: Oh?

Mycroft: A very interesting part of a security video from my office.

Irene:  _Oh._

Mycroft: Indeed. Now, would be so kind and explain WHY DID YOU DECIDE IT WAS OKAY TO HAVE SEX ON MY DESK?

Sherlock: Mycroft, don’t be so… petty.

Mycroft: PETTY?

Sherlock: It was either your desk or Anthea’s. And as she - unlike you - was working, we decided on the only possible option.

Mycroft: THIS DOES NOT JUSTIFY YOUR ACTIONS.

Irene: At least we were quiet.

Mycroft: MY OFFICE IS SOUNDPROOF.

Irene: We’ll keep that in mind for the next time.

 

5.

**From:** Irene Adler

**To:** The Iceman

Dear Mr. Holmes,

could you send me that video from your office? I need it for educational purposes.

 

**From:** Mycroft Holmes, The British Government

**To:** The Woman (My Insufferable Brother Decided To Fuck)

I really preferred when both you and my brother were dead.

 

**From:** Irene Adler

**To:** The Iceman

I’ll buy you a week worth of Snickers.

 

**From:** Mycroft Holmes, The British Government

**To:** The Woman (My Insufferable Brother Decided To Fuck)

Fine. It’s not like I’ll watch it ever again.

 

**From:** Irene Adler

**To:** The Iceman

I could kiss you right now. Shame you're so far away. I think I'll kiss your brother instead. I’m sure he’ll enjoy it.


End file.
